Sudden down drafts suck, not just when you’re flying in a
plane but also in life. The other day I was feeling wonderful, enjoying a
Zen-like serenity, and drama popped my bubble with a generous dose of anger and
judgment. I heard my son coming down the street crying, went to meet him, and
his mouth was covered with blood. Another child in the neighborhood tried to
steal his scooter and punched him in the mouth. I’m very forgiving and
understanding in most situations, but don’t mess with my kids. The Mother Bear
in me is not so tolerant!
Last week this same kid threw a dodge ball at my son’s face
and has been verbally bullying him for a couple of years. I had enough. As much
as I wanted to go “discipline” both child and parent, I called the sheriff
instead. The long wait for his arrival gave me plenty of time to stew in my
anger and build up some resentment to go with it. My body is no longer
accustomed to the energy of those emotions so I got lightheaded and nauseous.
That’s when I realized what I was doing to myself. The kid hurt my son in one
moment and I was dragging that moment on, holding it inside. My son had already
stopped crying and bleeding, but I was still fuming.
The sheriff handled the situation appropriately and left.
That should have been the end of it. For me it continued for a few more hours.
The sudden burst of anger woke up remnants of anger from my past that needed to
be (finally) released. I also had to make a choice. The anger was mine. I was
the one holding it, and I was the one being hurt by it. Did I want to continue
that self-abuse?
No, I really didn’t want to linger in the pit I found myself
in. Justification is so much easier than letting go, but it doesn’t serve me
well. I decided to release the whole thing and within minutes something funny
happened. It had me and my kids laughing out loud until we were out of breath.
Perfect! That was all it took to exit the pit and rise back up to a high
frequency state of being. Whew, what a relief!
Do you notice when something drags you down? How do you
respond to it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Hello Jacqueline, every fiber of my being recognizes 'a negative disturbance in the force' when it happens.
ReplyDeleteIt's a full on powerful hit to my mind, body, heart, soul, spirit. Sometimes I have to immediately 'push it off and away' before it puts me in emotional shock and shuts me down or in anyway impairs my brain function ability to reason with some certain calm logic.
Please do know I don't recognize my specific situations as being in the 'anger' family. I am particularly good while not perfect at managing 'anger'.
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Here's my problem: after 'a negative disturbance in the force' situation or problem presents itself... being immediately overwhelmed and having to 'push it off and away'...it's how to talk my brain back into facing it and working it through to what process or steps I need take or do on my part.
This may or may not make sense to you, but this is truthfully where my struggles are. Had an especially difficult time these past seven months regarding two specific, yet quite separate situations. Your friend @grammakaye on twitter.
It's great that you're so aware, Kaye, but I know at times it can be frustrating too. Instead of trying to get your brain to face something, ask your heart to deal with it. Allow it to be in the heart space and ask,"What's the truth here?" and "What is required here?" Often times a situation arises to give us the gift of releasing something from the past. It can't give us the gift if we reject it. Holding the challenge in the heart space instead of the mind helps us see it for what it is, instead of seeing all the fearful thought ego has created around it.
DeleteGive it a try and let me know how it works for you.
Love and hugs,
Jaq
Thank you so much. I truly am going to try this. ~ Kaye
DeleteYour experience is very similar to many I have had when my heart ached to protect my own children. The comment about holding on to the anger longer than our children is potent and can ultimately effect how our children deal with conflict in the future. Sometimes our love for our children can blind us to what is best for ourselves and them. Thank you for allowing me view my behavior as an observer.
ReplyDeleteSherry, thank you. You made a wonderful point. When we see our children as victims we teach them to be victims. When we hold onto anger toward others and judge them as wrong and bad, we teach that to our children, not just in that moment, but as a programmed response. I'm so glad you took the time to comment. You really helped me ground this awareness.
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